When we the last time you said something controversial online? I don’t mean ‘I’m not a fan of chocolate’ controversial, but more ‘your politics don’t match up with mine and here is why’. I can’t remember the last time I did.
Put me in front of you in person and I’ll gladly lecture you on your own male privilege, the importance of using someone’s preferred personal pronouns or why, no honestly listen, we still don’t have racial equality in this country. These are just a few examples of recent debates I’ve had down the pub. Have I put any of that stuff online? Not a chance in hell. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, the notes section of my phone is full to the brim with work, but something has been stopping me. That thing, which I can feel pulsing in my chest right now as I write this is, is fear.
I stopped speaking out for the fear of being wrong. For the fear of being the minority viewpoint, for fear of the group backlash that is so quick and unforgiving in it’s judgement. You’re either right or you’re wrong. There are no grey areas. There’s no healthy discussion to educate both sides. There’s something about ‘not staying in your lane’ that really riles up a lot of people, especially those with union jack flags as profile pictures. One foot wrong and you’re done. Not like Woody Allen done, where you’ll always be given a second chance because you’re a ‘creative genius’ but Lena Dunham done, where people are happy to have finally caught you out and kicked you off your podium. Just like back in the 1500s, people love a good public takedown.
"The fear of being wrong has not subsided, but there is a stronger feeling, the fear of being complicit."
Since I started working in the startup space a few years ago, I’ve quickly absorbed the fact that discussion and debate are the way you get shit done. No-one is as respected as their last idea, and you have to throw your expectations to the side in order for innovation to happen. It’s the only way to grow. However, the cultural patterns and behaviours we have formed for the online experience are far more extreme than we would find in reality. When else would you have to sum up your position in 140 characters or less? In our hurry to try and get to the point, many people miss the point entirely.
There are some glimmers of hope. Case and point is the notorious and meteoric rise to stardom of Diet Prada, the fashion insiders calling bullshit on design copycats and shady behaviour that has, until now, been the industry standard. People are listening and talking, and only a few are trying to personally attack the Diet Prada duo for their well researched opinions. More importantly, is the matter of online activism and campaigns such as #Repealthe8th which have helped to form many people’s opinion and actually change legislation. But, here's the question, when will an individual’s opinion and experience have the same acceptance and curiosity as a movement? When that happens, movements will start daily as it will be less terrifying to take that first step through the door.
The fear of being wrong has not subsided, but there is a stronger feeling, the fear of being complicit. Not wanting to just muddle along in the mediocrity and post photos of my brunch with a motivational caption next to it. Just because you’re posting online doesn’t mean you are really saying something. As an educated white woman, my silence doesn't help anyone. What is does do it breed consent to the things I don’t call out. As a teenager I was constantly called out for always having to ‘have the last word’, now I hope someone accuses me of that again.
‘I should have brought a fucking coat’ I muttered as I stepped out of Westminster station and turned towards Downing Street into the #TimesUp rally. Stoically stood outside Theresa May’s humble abode for the next two hours, by the end I was hardly the picture of an empowered woman sticking it to the patriarchy. Instead I looked like a shivering puppy who’d been left outside in the rain. My voice was hoarse from chanting, my hands were chapped and cold. I was not alone. The girl stood to my right, her hands white knuckled a plank of wood, frozen stiff but defiant like the ‘patriarchy sucks’ badges pinned to her lapel.
I didn’t have a sign to hold but my presence contained the message I wanted to send. As a woman who has experienced domestic violence first hand, I have often shied away from conflict. But there comes a moment where silence is more painful than speaking up. There were women in front of me holding signs in all forms. Big, funny, angry, sarcastic, many with witty punchlines, the best of which were ushered to the front for the purpose of the press. I took great pleasure in reading the sharp quips ‘This is a bloody joke’ one read, with sanitary pads dangling from its edges. I absorbed this humour, this energy, this light like a sponge (or should I say a tampon) because when you’re aware of what we’re here to protest, you have to find something to smile about.
The first Women’s March was held on the same day last year, 21st January 2017. The first day of Trump’s presidency. His election was a catalyst, the straw that broke the long suffering 52% of the populations’ back so we formed, and we rallied under a clear mission:
“We believe that Women’s Rights are Human Rights and Human Rights are Women’s Rights. We must create a society in which women – including Black women, Native women, poor women, immigrant women, disabled women, Muslim women, lesbian queer and trans women – are free and able to care for and nurture their families, however they are formed, in safe and healthy environments free from structural impediments.”
This is not about Trump. This is about us. This is about ending discrimination towards women, ensuring our sisters in Poland, Ireland and other nations have reproductive rights, that ALL women are uplifted and empowered.
Why is it then that we don’t trust women to tell our own story? Why must our protests be dismissed as ‘Trump-bashing’ or ‘attention seeking’? The media loves to write about a villain, to sensationalise a character, but they don’t like to tackle the issue of entrenched cultural misogyny. To dismiss the Women’s March as a superficial movement is the easy thing to do. What’s not easy is to confront the complexity of dismantling a patriarchal society. It’s not easy to collectively admit that this is going to be a hard fight. To accept that this is well and truly unchartered territory, a unified grey area.
This is why the media is so reluctant to tackle it. We women have the vote, we have it good enough already right? The rise of female empowerment is coming at a time when long-form journalism is dying. Without our snappy signs and the association to Trump would the media pay attention? Do they have the capacity to make the nuances of female issues digestible for the culpable masses?
“Our movement isn’t perfect, but it’s here. We work with what we have. We, the minorities, the lowest earners, the emotionally and physically bruised do what we can.”
‘What happens now, you’ve protested, now what?’ in the age of instant technological dopamine hits, the world expects instant gratification and a clear cut perfect performance. The critique on women’s activism is unrelenting. If we only campaigned for one issue, we would be seen as neglecting the other causes. When we campaign for all areas of women’s equality we are criticised for being ineffective and too general. Dismantling a patriarchal civilisation is a general issue is it not? To quote the eminent Roxane Gay “We have this tendency to put visible feminists on a pedestal. We expect them to pose perfectly. When they disappoint us, we gleefully knock them from the very pedestal we put them on.”
Those judging the movement from a voyeuristic high ground of privilege fail to connect with the people behind the issues, or to research beyond their own understanding. Yes, we spoke about Trump, but was also a profound moment where a trans woman, Paris Lees, stood on stage fearing rejection from the crowd but instead was welcomed with applause. Her raw emotion was like a tangible thread of connection running through us all. That is why we were really there.
Our movement isn’t perfect, but it’s here. We work with what we have. We, the minorities, the lowest earners, the emotionally and physically bruised do what we can. We make signs out of cardboard because we can’t donate money to twist the arm of a CEO. We are still mostly excluded from the systems of power to create change, so we have to make our own. Some say it takes seven generations to truly change a cultural behaviour, and to coin a phrase from the march, the thing we are trying to change is the glass ceiling. It starts with a small chip, these chips turn into cracks and then the glass begins to shatter. The Women’s March was one chip.
How are you making a chip in the ceiling?
This article originally appeared on The Nopebook. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest or drop me an email: jlouisemontgomery@gmail.com
Activists. Entrepreneurs. Feminists. Designers. Filmmakers. Photographers. Creators. Politicians. Innovative women are having a bit of a moment.
In a world where having washboard abs and shiny hair was once the pinnacle of female success, things are finally changing. Powerhouse women like Gucci's girl of the moment Petra Collins, writers Zadie Smith and Roxanne Gay, designers and film directing sisters Kate and Laura Mulleavy, editor Tavi Gevinson, and beauty revolutionary Emily Weiss are persistently showing up. They influence us, educate us and move the gender goal post one crucial inch at a time. They are the poster children for the next generation. This means that suddenly, somewhere between my early self doubting twenties and the release of the new Joan Didion documentary, being smart is the thing. Intelligence and singular creative thought are now more coveted than H&M's latest collab.
Growing up as somewhat of a school nerd this is music to my ears. As 21st century women we have rather a lot of things we need to put our minds to. The fact that we still don't have equal pay and the recent outpour of sexual assault allegations in Hollywood are true testament to that. What we have dealt with so far is just the tip of the iceberg. So, I for one am thankful that my energy can now be better spent developing my the space between my ears, rather than trying to reduce the fat between my thighs.
However, as we admire and put this new breed of woman on a pedestal, it's sending ripples out into the wider world. Most disturbingly, out into the tumultuous and still inherently sexist realm of heterosexual dating. Far from men romanticising the good old days when women were just nice to look at and never spoke, instead there is a particular persuasion of fella who seems intent on dating creative, innovative, nasty women types only.
“He liked me because I was bright and shiny. I was this thing that edified him."
My first encounter with one of these men in the wild was on a first date, with a now - praise the lord - ex-boyfriend “Oh so you're CREATIVE” he said beaming from a cosy velvet sofa at The Hoxton, simultaneously filling up my wine glass with more Pinot. "The whole package." I can’t lie I was flattered and what what would later turn out to be fooled. In the past, relationships have blown up into my face due to mismatched ambition, so meeting someone who seemed like and understand how I moved in the world was bloody refreshing.
I saw it change the first time I cried in front of him. Like a beautiful woman taking off her makeup at the end of a date, I was dismantling the facade that he had made me wear. Removing the reasons he wanted to be with me, my superficial strength and glamour dissolved, quite literally in front of his eyes. His adoration of my side projects was only skin deep. He embraced the idea of fucking a feminist to make him feel like a good guy, but he didn’t embrace me. Turns out being with a multifaceted woman was not what he had signed up for.
Like the well versed stereotype of the 'cool girl', the ideal of the ‘creative woman’ is reductive. It removes all personal complexities and nuance, right down to a two-dimensional caricature that we can never live up to. When this idea crossed my mind, I thought I had lost it. Maybe my ego was trying to heal my somewhat bruised heart from the inevitable bitter ending of the relationship, but it turns out I was not alone in my experience.
Cue my friend Heather. Fashion Designer, kooky, always wears a maxi dress and Valentino pumps even in the middle of winter. We were sat over coffee in Soho, lamenting her most recent breakup: “He liked me because I was bright and shiny. I was this thing that edified him.” she said “He rushed to tell his friends that he was dating a fashion designer. Parading me about on his arm at parties, but when we got home he didn’t want to talk about things, about what I was feeling and what was actually going on in the relationship.” “He walked away when the shine had worn off. The shine he’d rubbed off with his clammy hands.”
We all know the trope of the trophy wife is soon to be dead and buried. Melania Trump and Harvey Weinstein’s now estranged wife Georgina Chapman are its final examples, need I say more? So when that’s all said and done, who else are men going to hold up like a prize?
Objectification of women is a societal behaviour that has long been embedded in the male psyche, but now we are wise to this game and are, for the most part, refusing to play ball. This shift to objectifying women’s personalities rather than their bodies is a Darwin style survival tactic that I’m not surprised men have started to adopt. It’s difficult to detect. If you date a strong, independently minded women, how can you be one of the bad guys?
There's a lot of fluff on television. That's a fact. The emergence of reality TV in the last 20 years has seen documentary style work transition from the high brow, to a level of deterioration much lower than many of us will allow our standards to drop. This is why I am adamantly more of a catch up TV kind of gal, only making time for things I think are worth wasting my hours on. More recently this outlook has manifested itself in binge watching niche documentaries and TED Talks (not strictly television, but you know what I mean). Unless I feel that a particular show is going to feed my soul, I have no interest in letting my brain turn idly to mush in front of it.
This outlook was at the forefront of my mind when I sat to interview the powerhouse that is Davina McCall. Her new show, aptly named 'The Davina Hour' is a break away from this 'fast TV' trend that has become so common. To my surprise and delight she openly spoke about her rebellion against this type of superficiality in the media, over a cuppa, of course:
What was the inspiration around The Davina Hour?
I had an idea along time ago, to do a sort of daily talk show. But it kind of morphed into this. I've been on talk shows like This Morning or Loose Women and stuff and I've always really really enjoyed that, but just as you're getting really into something, you change topic and go onto something else. I wanted to go forensic - like really really forensically deep on something. I wanted to get the best minds in an area and bring everybody together and maybe people who are having a tough time and see if we can help. Really at the back of everything I do, I'm always trying to help people. I love this kind of idea of - I don't know, making everything better. It's like a mission! And at the same time, learning bits about myself. Every single show, even the ones I probably thought I know what I'm doing in this area, I'll have a ta-da moment when I'm thinking oh god! Or I watch someone else have a moment and I think wow this is amazing, I'm really enjoying this. It was so exciting.
With all the experts that come onto the show, you must learn things all the time...
Yeah I mean watching somebody that has potentially never had any therapy or hasn't met a councillor or a therapist, and to see them listen to someone and go - oh, oh right, oh my god.
There was a guy we had on the perfectionism episode for example that was so fantastic - he had vitiligo and he was beautiful, but he just didn't see it. And having somebody sit beside you and say wow I've never heard people talk like this, people be honest at this level and just put it all down there on the table for people who are suffering the exact same issues as I am. It's really empowering!
It's like a therapy session but it's not as turgid. We always try to have a bit of fun with it and there's always a test involved in each episode - hilarious! I've never done so many tests in all my life. A stress test, parenting test and a technology test - oh god the technology test was scary. Testing how long I was on the phone for - I was on it for something like 4 hours. I mean it's mostly car journeys and stuff like that because I often get driven place - the moment I'm in a car, I crack out my phone!
In the technology episode, you compare technology addiction to heroine addiction - do you think it's really that bad?
It is, it is. It is because it's a hit of dopamine and I realised from doing the show that it's an actual chemical reaction. Since I've done that programme, I've realised that when I post something on Instagram, I do check in the first hour quite often to see if it's going down well or if it isn't. And that's weird! Since the show, I'm monitoring myself a lot more. And I've also got a bit stricter with the kids. Chester, obviously I'm quite strict with because he's only 10, but my 15 and 13 year old, I've been getting a bit more involved. I really do try to map out family time now where we can all sit down. Obviously meal times are a no technology zone and all kind of stuff but just making sure we have time to do things together - watch that thing called television, do you remember that? Television! Kids just don't get it anymore, and making an appointment to view - I don't know, I can't keep up!
The really big thing for kids is to turn it off an hour before they go to bed. And that is all screens! I don't, but I should. I think that makes a big difference to their sleep patterns and we might all be asleep for 8 hours but we aren't getting the depth of sleep that we need.
Do you give yourself time to go completely offline?
Hmmm I don't take my phone with me to certain places. Like if I take the dogs out for a walk, I leave my phone inside. And I don't have mobile phone reception in our house. And we contemplated getting a booster thing to get us signal, but we said no. So people can't phone me on a mobile, they have to phone me on my landline and most work people don't have me on a landline so that's quite good!
Do you have an open dialogue with your kids about social media and how to use it?
I speak to the kids about social media from the get go but I'm not anti-social media compared to some others. When I was young, I spoke to my friends on the telephone for 2 hours after spending all day with them at school so for my kids to be on social media to their friends for 2 hours a night after seeing them all day isn't weird... It's just what I did, but on a telephone. But I am very uptight about their privacy. They're all private on all of their accounts; no one can just follow them obviously, these are all things I've learned. But once they get to 15, you have to hope that you've done it all really; that you've given them all the tools that they need.
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"Women are the ones who really engage in social media - when we want to sink our teeth into something or when we see a petition that needs signing. I think it's had a really profound effect."
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With social media fuelling our perception of perfection, do you think it's had a negative effect on women?
To be honest I think it's a great place for activism for women. Would say Twitter is the place for activism, particularly for women and for comedy. I think social media is an amazing place to come together, to spread ideas and to spread ideas really quickly. Women are the ones who really engage in social media - when we want to sink our teeth into something or when we see a petition that needs signing. I think it's had a really profound effect.
What's the biggest thing you've learned so far from doing the show?
I've learned that we all want to be better. We're at an age in time where self-improvement seems to be really important for all of us. And this idea that I can have 2 men sitting and talking about perfectionism when 20 years, that would have never happened is really special, and questioning whether we're seeing all these problems like stress because we're talking about them, or if we're making them as a result of talking about them.
It's taught me that I don't know everything, there's always a tonne more to learn and that life should never be a constant state of happiness because that's like flat lining. It's just a boring flat line. Like how your heart monitor goes when you're dead. You can only feel true joy in my opinion when you've known sadness, and to not fear sadness or discomfort or grief because that will make your highs feel even sweeter.
This interview originally appeared on W Channel's Website. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest or drop me an email: jlouisemontgomery@gmail.com
I've always found the term 'portfolio careers' quite an odd one. When I think of a portfolio I picture a large glossy black file full of immaculately presented items. In reality, my career looks more like a battered up old A5 diary full of post it notes and tea-stains. That being said, a portfolio career it has been, chopping and changing, moving from one thing to the next, gathering traction and gathering skills. Something us millennials are becoming increasingly familiar with.
I have learnt a lot on this route. When you are a freelance editor, a social media manager, a content creator, working in events and multiple business development projects all in less than three years, it's a lot of up and down, a lot of failure and a lot of mini cries in the shower (and on the tube and in club toilets at 3am). A fledgling start it might be, but time isn't everything (more on that later) and it's really given me some food for thought on not only why we crazy Gen Y, digital savy kids structure our careers this way, but also on how we might best go about navigating this portfolio approach.
Skills Are More Valuable Than Qualifications
Education has always been really important to me. When I learn something new, when I master a new bit of knowledge, that’s when I thrive. I light up. In my teenage years I would have told you that getting an education is the most important thing you can do. Now, I know that’s not strictly true.Getting a degree, getting qualifications is important if you need those to do a particular role. To be a lawyer, a doctor, a surveyor… they are all quite tricky (and frankly dangerous) to do if you are just making it up as you go along. But to do any of the jobs I have had (see silly long list above) I haven’t needed my degree. It was simply the springboard to launch me into a certain direction.
What has mattered is the skills I have nurtured. The software I am now able to use. The people that I have met during my degree. Essentially, understand that education is not something you can complete, it’s a lifelong process. If I was looking to hire someone to work with me, I would take the person with solid people skills and work ethic over someone with a first class degree in an instant. Being good at what you do beats having a certificate hanging on the wall any day of the week.
It's Who You Know
That old saying. At first glance unfair, but at closer look it's the most powerful thing I have learnt. Yes you need skills to get a job. Yes you need to know what you’re doing (for the most part) but knowing about the best opportunities in the first place, is the real trick to getting what you want.
The big secret? Companies, big brands, that industry that you have been trying to ‘break into’ for years, they are all run by people. People just like you and I. Gone are the days when only the wealthy and connected could get through the door. You can rock up with your big smile and personality and knock that thing down yourself.
The internet has meant that even those without privilege (be that social or economic) can meet amazing people. Starting this blog for one thing has brought me a wealth of opportunity, but I have also flittered around London the last few years like a social butterfly, chatting to and picking the brain of anyone I can find. Actresses, editors, social hackers, PRs, makeup artists, consultants - everyone has something interesting to say and who knows when a common connection could result in something magical.
My advice? Find yourself a few events, take some business cards and go and chat to people. Don’t expect to get anything from them, just listen, learn and who knows where that will lead you.
Millennials need to spend less time Facebook stalking their ex-boyfriends (unfollow their posts and let that be water under the bridge my friends) and more time discovering people in their field via twitter. Looking for people with the same passion for embroidery/clay-pot making/coding on Instagram. The internet isn’t getting in the way of your success. You are.
Digital Platforms Are Powerful
I wouldn't be where I am professionally today without the internet. That's a cold hard fact. I secured some of my great internships through seeing posts about them on Facebook. I got a big break in social media through my own at-home efforts. I recently got head-hunted to work at my dream company (a creative but smart start-up run by amazing people) by someone discovering me online. The internet is not a distraction, social media is not 'ruining' people's lives. It's a powerful, FREE democratic tool that can get you where you want to go. People are just using it in the wrong way.Millennials need to spend less time Facebook stalking their ex-boyfriends (unfollow their posts and let that be water under the bridge my friends) and more time discovering people in their field via twitter. Looking for people with the same passion for embroidery/clay-pot making/coding on Instagram. The internet isn’t getting in the way of your success. You are.
Work 'With' People Not 'For' People
In the current climate of ‘fake news’, general trust of big business and ‘the man’ has never been lower. When our parents were working, they knew that they could get a job and be set for life. Their bosses would take care of them, they were in charge for a reason, right? Well decades on and things are completely different. We know that companies are run by people just like us, meaning that they can f**k up. They can royally f**k up. So it’s no surprise that hierarchies in the workplace are dying and collaboration is the new buzzword.
Young people have a lot of insight and knowledge that is crying to be heard. In the new digital landscape employers need to understand that their newest recruits are not just employees, they are innovators and can contribute serious value. Also, we don’t want to work ‘for’ someone we want to work ‘with’ people. Millennials would rather work in a place they feel that they are making a difference, than a place that makes them lots of money. In a dystopian future where a sexist, racist tyrant is president of the USA, who needs money anyway?
Age Is Just A Number + Gender Is The Silent Killer
In most of my jobs I have managed people who are older than me. Trained people who have at least 5 years on me. Given workshops to rooms full of people literally twice my age, and do you know what? No-one cared. I didn't care. They didn't care. We are just people wanting to get s**t done. If someone does pick up on you being younger than them in a professional capacity, that says far more about them than it does about your abilities. Experience is measured in depth not in length.That being said, being a woman in the workplace is another matter entirely. When working at a young startup company, the female CEO and I were constantly asked if there were any men in the senior management team. 'Oh just all girls then?' they would try to ask innocently. I have had emails directed at male colleagues instead of me because they assumed the man was heading up the project. In true guilty feminist style, I have also had some fantastic opportunities because I am a woman and sometimes I smile nicely. It’s not right, but it happens. I try and check my privilege on this all the time.
So yes, the 'modern world of work' has come on a long way from pencil skirts and secretarial jobs, but sexism is still rife and we are foolish if we think that our work here is done.
So, why do we have portfolio careers, us crazy commitment phobic millennials?
There has been a shift in perspective. We aren’t scared of commitment, we just trust ourselves to be in control of our careers. Rather than trusting one organisation, our parents or the government to advise us on the best route. Since the last generation there has been an increase in transparency in the system, through the internet, the deconstruction of traditional industries and the economic crash in 2008. We want to invest our time and energy into our own skills, our own progression and growth. We will give and give (and give) so long as we are receiving more than just money in return. We don't want to contribute less to society, we just want it to matter more.
When you move to a new city the first 6 months are taken up by all
the big things, finding somewhere to live, then a way to pay the rent and then
people to hang out with. After those hurdles you start picking up habits, nuances,
little you things that mean you've started to settle in. For me, I had a weekly
ritual of hunting down and reading the latest issue of Stylist. I would fight
with the unfortunate passer by wanting the last copy at 5.30pm to then smugly
sit and flick through, learning how many avocados I should be eating and what
shade of black was now in. That's why I was very excited (read: freakishly
happy and bouncing off the walls) when the lovely ladies at W asked me to help
them out at Stylist live this year.
Did I just sit around and read magazines all day? Well no, (although
that would also have been nice) I listened to talks, stalked a few dogs, drank
a lot of cocktails and even got to do a takeover on W's Instagram.
W were the sponsors of The Live Labs at Stylist, which were areas
you could go to hear discussions and take part in workshops from inspiring
women on topics ranging from how to write your first novel to making the most
out of your wardrobe. Highlights for me during the day were seeing the eminent
Jo Malone, speaking about her business, her battle with cancer and the constant
pursuit of your creative truth. Listening to Helen Croydon discuss the
advantages of being single and Helen Russel’s frank and witty talk about
bringing more ‘hygge’ into her life.
You can find out more about W via their website and instagram and keep an eye on
Stylist Live for more information about next years’ event.
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